Slow Mo

Today I had, what I like to call, a "slow motion" moment.

It's hard to explain, but I'm going to try really hard, because it's important enough that I need to record it somewhere so I never forget it.

Today was a normal Thursday in my classroom. The way I have our schedule arranged, everything is SUPER predictable, very routine. There are never surprise events, or random activities. Everything is super repititive. It's what's best for the kids. As a result, things can get pretty mundane. It's great for the kids who need that kind of structure, but can sometimes drive an adult a little coo coo for cocoa puffs.

But, at around 2:30 during snack and story time, I like to leave a little room in the schedule for me to talk casually with the kids, play with them, whatever. Most of them can handle this, but one of them CANNOT. This kid is very much in his own world. I've had him for 3 years, and I've never been invited in.

For 3 years, he's acted like I'm not even there. He has never looked at me. Never touched me. Never spoken or muttered anything to me. Cried for hours and won't give me the slightest clue what he needs. He never smiles at me. Today, something happened.

During my 'casual time' I walked over to him and sat next to him. I patted him on the back and said hi, and as usual, he completely ignored me.

Then, I put my fingers on his hand, and slowly walked my two fingers up his arm and tickled his neck. He twitched his head.....almost like a laugh. Then I did it again, but just a little faster this time, and I even said, "gitch you, gitch you!". And HE LOOKED AT ME. AND HE SMILED. It was the weirdest looking smile I have ever seen. Teeth everywhere. A totally lopsided smile. It was like time just completely stopped. Then he looked away again.

I tickled him, for the third time now, just to see if I could get another glance. But, no. Oh well. I had it. I was in his world for a only a few seconds, but it was definitely a slow motion moment--one I will never forget. And it was absolutely incredible.

And since I can't post a pic of him for confidentiality reasons, I would love to post another pic of a slow motion event:

This is just another one of those moments that seems frozen in time :)

Resolutions Shmesolutions

So last night (New Years Eve) we partied with our good friends T and S. Before we showed up, Tim suggested coming prepared with up to 5 "things you want to do" in 2011. Not resolutions, "things you want to do". The difference, I think, is just that they need to be something specific and do-able, rather than vague and kind of unattainable.

After a delicious happy hour at Tutta Bellas, we shared our stuff. As expected, stating my goals infront of 3 other people made me take them quite seriously.

So, here are 5 things I want to do in 2011 (I know, your just dying to know, right?):

1. Train for a marathon by myself (never been done). Kinda scares me just thinking about it.

2. Speak up. If some one is being mean to me, just one time, I want to tell them that I think they are being mean to me (Also, never really been done as an adult). This could be anyone. A co-worker, Andy, or maybe even YOU! So, watch out!! Kidding. On a more serious note, I'm not saying I am constantly getting bullied or asking for pitty. Definitly not. I just think sometimes I ignore a lot of things, let it bottle up inside me, then completely blow up or have a cry fest over something really small. So, I guess I just want to be more assertive and hold less resentment. Easy, right?

3. Love my body. I want to love the skinny parts, the chunky parts, all of it. I'm sick of trying to change things. I look good and I work hard, so I need to like what I have.

4. Go fishing with dad. If there was one 225 pounder out there, there is bound to be another one...maybe even bigger :)

5. Let it go. Let go of a hard day at work. Let go of trying to be better than other people. Let go of cleaning the stupid stains off the bathroom floor (they will never come out). Let go of trying get ahead. Let go of trying to be right.

And there they are!

Note to self

(Yeah-that's me running into the water. There's just no danty way to get into the ocean).

Andy and I just returned from a super fun trip to Mexico. This is our third time vacationing in this hotspot. We go around the same time each year: mid December. This is an exceptional time to go because 1) I am extremely stressed at work and feeling burned out of the kids and 2) it is totally gross in WA at this time.

Every trip to Cabo just gets better and better. This year, we spent our time doing what we do every time-laying out in the sun, watching our skin turn brown and our stress wrinkles disappear, drinking lots of margaritas, and forgetting that we have any other cares in life. It is absolutely WONDERFUL.

We totally kick back together and just really enjoy having fun together. At one point, we both agreed that the carefree lifestyle made us feel like we were back in the "dating" stage of our relationship. We decided this is because the ONLY decisions we had to make together was where we were going to go to eat, how we were going to dress, and if we were up for dancing or just sitting in the hot tub.

And after 8 days, we start to wonder, why do we stress out so much? Life is so much better when we just keep it simple and enjoy the fun things together.

After the return flight, we came home to a pile of bills, a grocery list, and a schedule full of work. ....OH YA, THAT"S WHY WE STRESS out so much.

I'm kind of starting to wonder: does it really have to be this way? Should we just drop everything and move to Mexico? Andy can play guitar and I will sell jewelery. A perfect plan :)

So, without sounding cheesy, I'd like to make a note for myself to remember: relax and enjoy the day. Throw my hair in a ponytail, go do something fun with Andy, and make a fancy drink--even if it's only Tuesday and I'm sick of my work week. Don't spend 5 days of the week tired and angry, and 2 of the remaining days lazy. That is just no fun. Relax and remember: Cabo 2011 is just months away.......

Self-efficacy

Every teacher in WA state has to take classes to earn their "Professional Certification" after a certain number of years. It's basically a series of classes and a TON of paperwork.

Before enrolling in the program, I heard horror stories about this program from lots of people. A few teachers have deemed it "the most difficult thing they have ever done in their life". One teacher even told me "I would rather go through child labor without epidural than do Procert". Nice.

I was kind of excited to find out what my perspective would be. Would I find it SUPER difficult, sorta hard, or do-able? It's been 5 years since I've been a student and not a teacher, so I was eager to find out what kind of a student I am.

On the first day of class, I raised my hand to ask a question, and kind of talked my way to an answer. Afterwards, the teacher said a quick one-liner, "Wow-you are one smart cookie, Megan". My face turned red after she said it, and for some reason, it meant THE WORLD to me. I thought to myself, "ya, I'm smart. This will be easy for me!"

Now, I am halfway through the program. It's not so bad. Ever since I internalized the idea that I "might" be smart enough to do this, everything has felt really do-able. It's so funny that it just took one comment from my teacher, and I feel like I can handle anything she gives me.

It really reminds me how important those little gems of reinforcement can be to my own students--and to anyone, really. When someone believes something about you, you start to believe it yourself.

Oh, and another thing that makes my Procert class AWESOME is that my class thinks I look like Giada from Food Network. I think I can see the resemblence. I might be a little more bubbly, though.

It was a great Thanksgiving!

Full of lots of baking

lots of gaming

some girl talk (real and wireless)

and quite a bit of snuggling

SNOW

I drove home from school yesterday right as the "Northwest Blizzard" hit Auburn. It was pretty scary, but no match for our Subaru. It handled the ice like nobody's business.

And when I came home, I saw Andy shoveling snow off our driveway, in a particularly perky mood (he got to leave work super early due to snow). And, even better, when I got inside, Andy had the place warm and sparkling. It was almost dreamlike. It was super clean, it was SO warm, the candles were lit (with my favorite new scent, peppermint), the fire was going, and I was one happy camper to be home safe and sound.

Later that night, I got the best news: School is cancelled. To me, hearing that kind of news is right up there with "you can have my pre-pregnancy clothes" or "you got birthday money in the mail". Yeah, it's a big deal.

So, we slept in this morning and made waffles. Then we hiked up to Starbucks and drank pumpkin spice americanos.

And, I've spent the rest of the morning mostly in this position:

Dealing with Disappointment

Disappointment. I babysat Amelia today, and the look on her face when she realized I was no longer playing hide and seek was the perfect example of it. Whether we are 18 months old or 27 years old, it happens. Whether it's disappointment in yourself, disappointment in your loved ones, or disappointment in your students-it always comes around. So why am I so surprised when the feeling sets in for the hundred thousandth time? And, my biggest question, WHY DO I ALWAYS CARE?

I wish so badly that I could really truly have a "so what?" mentality. I can be a crappy teacher sometimes, so what? I sounded really stupid in my Procert class tonight, who cares? I have a to-do list that never gets completely finished, big deal?



And then, yesterday, one of my favorite teachers at school (who is an elderly woman with the body of an 18 year old-yowzas) told me that on her way to school yesterday morning, her vision instantly went black and she had a small heart attack. Then she teared up a little bit and said, "I'm okay, though. I just get to be alive some more---which is such a good thing!"



After talking with her, it really hit me that I have a lot of things that I get to care about, and a whole lot of things I need to let go of. Screw dissappointment. The source of my disappointment is my pride and my selfishness. What a waste of time.

Life is good, and, like my sweet friend told me, I get to be alive some more :) Even though it's not picture perfect, who cares?